Half way there

I have always wanted to have babies. Like I said previously in the post about my cousins, being around kids...I guess that's what happens. But there has been one element that causes me to hesitate or I guess be a little sad. Kids grow up SO FAST.

You know when your aunt pinches your cheek and says, "I remember when you were just a baby" - I'm starting to feel that way too. A cousin that I "nannied" for turned 16 just a few weeks ago, and one of the first children (cousin) that I was ever allowed to babysit turned 14 in March. I know I'm not old but being around children born in a different century than I was (let alone 2 decades after) and being able to say, "I remember when..." is cause for SOME feelings of aging. And it's not that I don't want to age. In all honesty, I didn't have a meltdown when I turned 25, and with 30 only a few years away I don't think I have any real apprehension to my own aging. However, it seems the older I get the quicker time flies. Am I really 20 weeks pregnant? Where has the time gone? What do I have to show for that time spent? Those days, hours, moments, are ones that I will never get back. And in reality, once a baby comes wont time go by even quicker? I realize this sounds dramatic, but I'm not ready for my baby to grow up.

My parents refer to the time when my brother and sister and I were children as some of the best years. I know they enjoy our company as we have gotten older, but it's not quite the same. Maybe the wonder of how their kids are growing and learning and changing is replaced by a wonder of who the sassy, eye rolling, back talking, authority challenging, monster is that is living in their house. I've worked with teenagers. They're awesome. I loved my youth ministry teens. But I have to admit that there were times when I was glad to return them to their parents. Times when the girls we were driving home, giggling in the back seat caused my (very patient) husband to look at me and say, "We are never having girls." It's that inevitable course of nature that the children will grow up and life will get more difficult. 

Chris and I look back on our time at Monmouth, or in our first apartment in Davenport and say, "Why does it seem like life was so simple?" Because we got older. Because our jobs got older, the honeymoon phase passed, the innocence of our time was corrupted by complications at work, dishonest people, and disheartening situations. 

I see it all the time, between one family gathering and the next my cousins are less likely to enthusiastically greet me "the older cousin" than the cousin their own age... their friend. Sure they are still awesome to watch grow, when you can get them to talk to you they are hilarious, and you feel a sense of pride of the young men and women they are becoming. But it isn't as simple as the little one that you could tickle, and cuddle, and play with.

20 weeks have FLOWN by... and I know I still have lots of time (if they are anything like me - this little one will be back living in my house with their spouse at age 27!) But I already cherish the fleeting time, the precious moments, the uncomplicated relationship of Mother and Child. I am so excited to see all the wonderful things this little one will do, will become... but we can take our time getting there.

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Kids Say the Darnest Things

In a follow up to the video about telling people and their reactions, I have to write this down before I forget...

My Mom is the oldest of 14 kids. 14 Italian children, raised in the city of Chicago. My family is large and in charge. Chris laughed while making the video saying, "I thought MY family was loud" and we searched for a way to lower the volume just on the clip of my aunts. My Mom's side of the family is exactly why I want to have a large family of my one... ok maybe not 14 kids, but still I LOVE the gatherings with everyone there talking at once, debating politics, and singing Christmas carols or "Happy Birthday" in a jumble of harmonies and somewhat in unison. Of the 14 children there are now 32 (Including Chris) grandchildren. I being the oldest of the oldest... and the oldest grandchild, and have many memories of most of the kids being born. In a funny round-it-out kind of way the latest and likely last grandchild was born on my birthday... we are exactly 27 years apart. Of course growing up being around kids and women having kids, has made me want to have kids. Just like I used to go to my Aunt and Uncles weddings and daydream about what MY own wedding would be like someday, I've walked into nurseries and thought about my own decorating plans, heard a child's name for the first time and mentally noted names I liked, or watched kids grow and learned parenting techniques. But the best part of being the older cousin is spending time with the kids and being able to remember how precious, crazy, or down right funny they are.

With Chris and I having our own baby the reactions of some of my cousins have been priceless and added to the wonderful memories we are quickly storing away in our hearts. Here are two:

Larissa

My cousin Larissa can be described the way you would describe a character in a novel but you think no one really must look like. She is absolutely perfect. She is the smallest little thing, perpetually the shortest and petite like her mom. She has the blondest, thickest, hair that before being introduced to a straitener was curly and wild. She is quiet and shy until you get her comfortable or talking about Super Mario Bros for the Wii... she is feisty and loveable all at the same time. She rounds out a collection of sisters that we all call "the little ladies" and that is exactly what she is. After telling Larissa's family our good news, after the crying and screaming and laughing, after the hugs and kisses our two families parted ways. I left my cousins with a stern "Don't put ANYTHING on Facebook!" I explained that I still had not told other family and friends yet. From across the parking lot I see my aunt lean in to listen to Larissa. She turns around and calls to me, "Larissa wants to know if you told Chris yet!"  

Peter
Peter Michael is the sweetest child you will ever meet. He was born right before my senior year of high school, sharing a birth month, and was deemed my Godson. For probably the first year...two years maybe the kid didn't like me. I remember feeling ridiculous trying to hold him and having him scream his head off. To be fair he really didn't like anyone holding him, but it still stunk just the same. But then he just took on a whole new personality. I guess partially it's hard to distinguish when because I was in college and gone so much but the next thing I knew Pete would write me these beautiful sweeter than sweet cards. He would WANT to do things with me. He would write about me in school homework or just for fun. My aunt secretly showed me a book he was writing and on the first page is said "Dedicated to Annie and Chris". Peter was the ring bearer at our wedding, the kid that would take a black dress from his older sisters running around being "The Daughter of Darkness" (where did that come from?), the boy who set up a sewing machine in his room to teach himself to sew and then joined the hockey team. He, unlike his male cousin counterparts, never outgrew giving me a kiss hello and letting me hold and snuggle him just a bit. After the news of our baby, Peter came to me with a handmade card saying, "A new baby is coming? Congrats on your Baby. With all my luck, Peter M." Which is enough to make me smile and chuckle, but then his mom (my aunt) told me that this was the 2nd draft of cards Peter had made me. The first edition was scrapped because Pete wanted to congratulate Chris and I on something very different, he is obviously growing up... the 1st card read, "Congratulations on your sex."

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Something to Talk About

A few weeks ago we shared a video with the facebook world. In case you didn't see it, I'll wait while you watch. Go on.

Isn't it great? I had the idea, we modified it a bit together, and then Chris made the video. It was actually pretty easy, but then again I didn't do anything to actually edit/make it... Anyway! I'm happy we did it, it's absolutely precious to me and will be a great little something to share with our little one.

However, before the video... there was a more private reveal.

My body has been pretty predictable since high school but there were a few times over the past year when all of the sudden I would be one or two weeks late. So, when January rolled around and I was about 5 days late I assumed it was because I had been around my sister so much lately with the holidays and we were... YOU KNOW... synching. I kept waiting, and then got more and more curious. I am really terrible at waiting, and surprises, I get too excited to wait for the reveal... so one Monday morning, when we had the house to ourselves, I got up and took a test.

Chris was woken up to my excited voice and my shaking him. All day we were on cloud nine, and just wanted to tell EVERYONE! However, we wanted to make sure everything was set and good to go before alerting the press. I think we were just so happy and relieved to be able to tell someone that telling our chiropractor was beyond thrilling. Meeting with our midwife was really sort of surreal, and we looked for opportunities to tell strangers just to share our excited news. I bought gifts for the "reveal" and when buying products tagged with "aunt" the man at the counter said, "I bet you're the awesome aunt" and I enthusiastically would respond, "NO! I'm the Mom! It's a gift!"

So finally we were able to make arrangements to tell our family and friends. I never anticipated the emotions leading up to each reveal. I would sit patiently (ha ha - yeah right) engage in chatter and wait for "the time". I made dinner for my family, but my dad got tied up with a friend who was fixing our computer and I nearly died having to wait for him. Chris was trying to have his mom meet us in the Quad Cities when we were there visiting, and we worried that tax season would get the better of our revelation. But with every time we shared our news it was another celebration. We can't get over the overwhelming feeling of love and well wishes from everyone.

Little baby, you are so so so very loved.

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