To Lucy at 4 months

To my dearest little Lucy Goose,

Four months old?! Oh my goodness, how can that be true? Yesterday the weather was so beautiful and warm, that it almost felt like the month you were born. It is truly hard to believe that it's already been four months since that early early morning when they placed you on my chest. But at the same time, it feels like you have been here forever. I know I've said that before, but it just amazes me that you have only been with us for a short time when it feels like every part of our day is about you. My world revolves around you. You are absolutely everything.

You are huge, we have had to start packing away clothes that you have outgrown – and it absolutely breaks my heart. First of all, I love these outfits. You are so stinking cute in them! Your little blue outfit that Grandma Julie gave me before you were born stopped fitting so long ago. I tried squeezing you into it... but the buttons looked like they were about to burst and you couldn't stretch your legs at all. Your green outfit with the purple hippopotamus... I love that one! And I put you into the sleep sack that we first put you in when you were born – it was the only outfit I had on hand that morning since we hadn't even begun to unpack – and you fill it out so much more than four months ago. I remember how big it was, it practically could have just fallen off you... your arms wouldn't even stay in place, they kept slipping into the main body of the outfit. And now... now your so big it actually fits perfectly and probably wont for long! We measured you with Daddy's tape measure the other night... 26 inches! (26 and a half if we point your toes) And Momma stepped on the scale holding you – and you weigh about 15 pounds! Oh my goodness little girl!! Stop growing so fast!

This past month you were baptized, we found out that you are going to have another cousin, and we lost Ellie and then found her again. **knock on wood** It was the first month without any breastfeeding issues, the first month where it seemed like your teeth might be starting to bother you, and where you really conquered rolling. Last Sunday morning we woke up and you were in the best mood. You were rolling around and having so much fun laughing and talking with me. Oh Lucy, I wish we could have stayed there in bed playing and laughing and talking and loving for forever.

I love the way you talk. Your little voice is so funny. You watch us (Me, Daddy, your grandparents, your aunts and uncles - everyone) talk and we can see you try to figure it out. You mutter and murmur to yourself, looking at your hands or a toy or sometimes just while you're falling asleep. And sometimes you get excited and shout while jumping in my arms. Sometimes we whistle to you and your little lips start trying to mimic us. And we always sing to you, and you smile, or laugh, or try to sing along.

I love the way you want to see everything that's going on. Last night we went to a meeting to try to learn how to wear our baby carriers, and we basically learned that we aren't doing anything wrong – you are just too excited to go and explore that you don't want to confined to our chests. You're a girl on a mission – who are we to stop you from your adventures and discoveries? You reach your hands out to touch, my favorite is when you grab my face as if you were going to study it. My least favorite is when you grab and pull my hair... ha ha.

But my most favorite thing that you have started to do in the past month? My favorite thing has been you actively looking to me for comfort. I mean, you always wanted me or Daddy to hold you when you were scared or felt alone – but now you also look to us to lay your head on our shoulder. You are starting to wrap your arms around my neck. You want to be held and while you'll look around, when you're tired your snuggle your face into me and fall asleep. That's my favorite.

I hope you don't mind me wanting to hug and hold you for the rest of your life. I plan on doing just that. Happy four month birthday little girl. Your Daddy and I … and EVERYONE … just absolutely love you beyond words.

Love, hugs, kisses, and more, and more, and more,

Momma

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12:30am

I can't sleep. Aunt Katie just got to our house from work, ready to babysit tomorrow, just like every week at this time. Daddy is sawing logs, sometimes so loud it startles you, but a little shush and back to sleep you slip. Everyone is tucked in for the night, even Ellie is curled into a ball on her bed next to ours. I have to work in the morning too, but I can't stop staring at you.

My beautiful girl. You are perfect, from your whispy hair, to your picturesque little lips, to your sweet button nose, to the little breaths you take making your tummy gently rise and fall. Sometimes you yawn and make the cutest most content noises, or you stretch, rub your eyes and peek out at me before falling asleep again.

What are you dreaming about? I wonder to myself if your dreams are of me or Daddy. Or even your Grandparents or Aunts or Uncles. Or light, colors, feelings. Maybe you dream about God, or angels.

I can't help but kiss you. Even though it's a risk that you might wake up.

Oops. You just did. You rub your face into the sheets and then start squirming around. You throw your hand on my chest...find a bit of my hair to pull... And in an instant we're together. Momma and Baby. You're comforted, content, and drifting back to sleep. I reach down and hold your hand, your tiny fingers holding my thumb as you continue to nurse.

We didn't intend to co-sleep. I'm glad we do, I wouldn't want to miss this.

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