Half way there

I have always wanted to have babies. Like I said previously in the post about my cousins, being around kids...I guess that's what happens. But there has been one element that causes me to hesitate or I guess be a little sad. Kids grow up SO FAST.

You know when your aunt pinches your cheek and says, "I remember when you were just a baby" - I'm starting to feel that way too. A cousin that I "nannied" for turned 16 just a few weeks ago, and one of the first children (cousin) that I was ever allowed to babysit turned 14 in March. I know I'm not old but being around children born in a different century than I was (let alone 2 decades after) and being able to say, "I remember when..." is cause for SOME feelings of aging. And it's not that I don't want to age. In all honesty, I didn't have a meltdown when I turned 25, and with 30 only a few years away I don't think I have any real apprehension to my own aging. However, it seems the older I get the quicker time flies. Am I really 20 weeks pregnant? Where has the time gone? What do I have to show for that time spent? Those days, hours, moments, are ones that I will never get back. And in reality, once a baby comes wont time go by even quicker? I realize this sounds dramatic, but I'm not ready for my baby to grow up.

My parents refer to the time when my brother and sister and I were children as some of the best years. I know they enjoy our company as we have gotten older, but it's not quite the same. Maybe the wonder of how their kids are growing and learning and changing is replaced by a wonder of who the sassy, eye rolling, back talking, authority challenging, monster is that is living in their house. I've worked with teenagers. They're awesome. I loved my youth ministry teens. But I have to admit that there were times when I was glad to return them to their parents. Times when the girls we were driving home, giggling in the back seat caused my (very patient) husband to look at me and say, "We are never having girls." It's that inevitable course of nature that the children will grow up and life will get more difficult. 

Chris and I look back on our time at Monmouth, or in our first apartment in Davenport and say, "Why does it seem like life was so simple?" Because we got older. Because our jobs got older, the honeymoon phase passed, the innocence of our time was corrupted by complications at work, dishonest people, and disheartening situations. 

I see it all the time, between one family gathering and the next my cousins are less likely to enthusiastically greet me "the older cousin" than the cousin their own age... their friend. Sure they are still awesome to watch grow, when you can get them to talk to you they are hilarious, and you feel a sense of pride of the young men and women they are becoming. But it isn't as simple as the little one that you could tickle, and cuddle, and play with.

20 weeks have FLOWN by... and I know I still have lots of time (if they are anything like me - this little one will be back living in my house with their spouse at age 27!) But I already cherish the fleeting time, the precious moments, the uncomplicated relationship of Mother and Child. I am so excited to see all the wonderful things this little one will do, will become... but we can take our time getting there.

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