On my own...

Today was my first day back to work. Amidst the tears and worry a really sad thought came to my mind (as if I needed more fodder to cry over). Today was the first time I really attended work all alone. During the interview/hiring process I discovered that I was pregnant. Lucy has been with me every day that I have worked this job. She was the one I talked to in the car between clients sharing my dreams of her future and bargaining with her to come at the perfect time, she was the one I sang to when I was jamming out in the car, she was the one I thought about when I sang "You are my Sunshine" for the millionth time that week, and she was the one I encouraged when I was tired at the end of my day... "One more person to see, Baby, and then we can go home!"

It wasn't that terrible. We survived. Grandma sent pictures all day to my phone letting me know that Lucy was going to the bank, or Wal-mart, or taking a nap. I had enough breast milk to get her through the day with some left over. The nursery staff and Grandma's co-workers didn't say that Lucy wasn't allowed back and had fun with her. I actually took a shower, ate breakfast, fed Ellie, AND loaded the dishwasher. I went to the office, looked at pictures of Lucy. Had my computer fixed and got the new company phone... and looked at pictures of Lucy. I pumped in the office, and in the car, and looked at pictures of Lucy. I stopped at the grocery store on the way home to pick up celebratory "We survived" pork chops for dinner and dishwasher detergent for the dishes I loaded this morning.

And then!

There she was, back in my arms again. She felt bigger, but surprised me with how light she is. She smiled up at me and I was taken straight back to September 30th... This is my baby. My precious little girl, and I am so incredibly grateful for the honor of being her Momma. Even now when she is crabby and fighting sleep, I look over at her daddy rocking her in his arms, I can't help but think of how I am the luckiest woman in the world and my heart keeps beating "thank you, thank you, thank you".

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